England footballers victorious over another poor country….

This is a headline you’ll never see, though according to news reports this week its actually the truth. After being pulverised at the World Cup, there was a universal sigh of relief amongst fans that England has beaten….Bulgaria. Newspapers carried huge splashes showing hat-trick scorer Defoe punching the air, and ran reports of England’s return to form.

Wait. Bulgaria? Let’s consider this tragic country. Population 7m (same as London), a health system since the USSR’s demise in a state of collapse, and the only country in the European region sliding down the human development index. And this is what galls me as a non-football fan. England players, those overpaid and underwhelming men, claiming that taking the scalps of smaller, poorer footballing nations is a mark of Great Skill.

I’m not denying that good football is great to watch, and can be a unifying force. I was in Bangladesh recently, during the World Cup. People’s enthusiasm for the Beautiful Game was infectious. Flags for their favourite teams - Brazil and Argentina – everywhere (see picture), clearly an indication of hedging bets for supporting a winner. Schoolboys across the country were kicking footballs around, often in waterlogged spaces (this is Bangladesh, after all), spray everywhere, but their faces shining with excitement.

But…seeing players from England, one of the richest countries in the world, overly proud of yet another victory over a small and poor nation still makes me sick in the stomach. Maybe I’m too cynical of the pop-star status of our modern footballers, but I can’t help being reminded of Patsy’s line to Edina from the first (and best) season of Absolutely Fabulous – “‘sporting personality’ is a contradiction in terms, darling”.

England play Montenegro in October. They’ll probably win. Montenegro has a population of 672,000. This is the same as Sheffield. News outlets will no doubt report England are again ‘back on form’. Hmmm….back on bullying form maybe.

[Update October 2010: England didn't win against Montenegro. Maybe they weren't sufficiently economically deprived.]